


amari et amatus esse

by burglarbilbo



Category: The Old Guard (Comics), The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, M/M, Post-Movie, Tenderness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:41:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25261750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/burglarbilbo/pseuds/burglarbilbo
Summary: after the events of the movie, joe struggles to understand why booker did what he did. nicky helps him to understand.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 9
Kudos: 433





	amari et amatus esse

Joe and Nicky take Andy and Nile to their safe house outside the city. It’s a small farm with some ruins on the property and hardly looks like it has running water or electricity (though it does have both). 

Nile and Andy pass out on the couch, leaning on each other gently, while Nicky ushers Joe to the back of the farmhouse where their room is. He fills up the large claw foot bathtub, expecting Joe to be undressed when he looks back at him. To Nicky’s surprise, Joe is still standing in the middle of the room, fully dressed, staring rather blankly at the floor. 

“Joe?” Nicky says, softly. No response. He walks over to him and places a hand on Joe’s cheek, tilting his face up to look at him. 

“Yusuf? You’re okay, I’m here,” he says. Joe doesn’t say anything but this time he pulls Nicky in for a hug, a quiet desperation underscoring his movements as he claws at the back of Nicky's shirt. 

“How could he do that to us?” Joe says, face buried in Nicky’s shoulder. Nicky wraps his arms around his love and holds him. Anger has turned to sadness and disbelief. 

“Immortality wasn’t a gift to him,” Nicky says. “It was a curse.” 

“I loved him. He was my brother. And he sold us out to be fucking lab rats,” Joe says, his sadness morphing into anger once again. 

“Joe… he’s spent eternity alone—" 

“He’s had us!” Joe raises his voice, pushes Nicky away from him. The movement is so fast and so jarring that it takes Nicky back to when they hated each other with every fiber of their being. Joe never takes his anger out in a physical way like this, he’s never rough with Nicky unless Nicky asks. 

Nicky looks at Joe, whose face is twisted in hurt and anger and sadness. He doesn’t move to touch him, not yet. 

“Did we really mean nothing to him?” Joe says, his voice barely above a whisper. 

Nicky takes a step toward him, arms outstretched. “You know it’s more complicated than that, Joe.” He nods his head towards the tub, water steaming. “Let’s get cleaned up. I have brains in my hair.” 

Joe smiles at that, like Nicky knew he would, and starts stripping down. They pile their clothes in the corner of the room, a bloody heap on the white tile floor. Nicky steps into the bath first, moving to one side and beckoning Joe in. 

They settle into a familiar rhythm; Joe washes Nicky, Nicky washes Joe. Nicky closes his eyes as Joe washes the blood and bone and brains out of his hair, his fingers firm but soothing on his scalp. 

When Nicky kisses him as they step out of the tub, the two of them standing in the middle of the room, dripping wet, everything feels right. “I love you,” he whispers against Joe’s lips. It doesn’t feel strong enough; three words can’t possibly express what he feels for Joe, what they’ve built together over millennium, but he doesn’t know any word in any of the languages he’s known over the centuries that could properly express his feelings. 

“I love you too, Nicolo,” Joe says. 

“I don’t know how I could live all these years without you,” Nicky says. He moves his mouth along Joe’s jawline, down his neck, to gently suck a bruise on the spot below his ear. 

“Nicky…” Joe sighs, his grip on Nicky’s hips and back tightening. 

“Maybe,” he says between kisses. “Maybe I would be like Booker.” 

Joe sighs. He pulls Nicky away to look at him, face to face. 

“Joe.” Nicky takes his face in both his hands again, smoothing his thumbs over his cheekbones. “Spending eternity alone? Incomplete? I would go mad.” 

Joe looks away. He lets out another sigh, hands clutching Nicky’s wrists. “I… give me time. Maybe I will forgive him.” 

Nicky tiptoes to kiss his forehead. “I will give you all the time you need.” 

**Author's Note:**

> i love this movie so much and these characters resonated with me so well. writing it was an absolute blast and i hope y'all enjoyed reading this as much as i did writing! 
> 
> title translated from latin: to be loved and to have been loved (i love me some infinitives)


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